Care for the Care Giver

Hebrews 13: 5(a) (NIV)
 . . .God has said,

"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."

Today, I'm thinking of the many care givers I know. There's Angie taking care of her husband with back pain, Barb taking care of her mom with cancer and her aging dad, and Bill taking care of his wife with cancer. Down the street, there's Harold who is 82 himself, taking care of his wife with Alzheimer's, and there's Kate at work that just had to move her mom out of her home and into a nursing home but still manages here affairs. There's me and my husband who look after my, still independent, mom and Down Syndrome sister that depend mainly on us for transportation. I'll guess that anyone who reads this can come up with a few people they know with care giving responsibilities.


We need to be thoughtful and prayerful for these people. Care giving is a full time job. They do this for someone they love while still trying to maintain some semblance of order in their own lives, as well. It can be a daunting responsibility and very taxing on the caregivers, both physically and emotionally. We are taking care of our loved ones, watching them suffer, while filling their prescriptions, cooking for them, taking them to a from the doctor's office, and the bathroom. After a while, it can get pretty tough for the caregiver to keep his or her spirits up, and not become resentful, or let it become more of a job than a labor of love.

I speak from experience. During my late father's third Chemo treatment, he has his first heart attack. By the end of that week he had a triple bypass the lead to more than 30 days in the hospital. During that time, my brother and I assumed all responsibility for her transportation, and began to interface with the doctors, of whom there were several by then. Little things, like a dust ball under his bed, began to irritate me. Eventually, every night, when I came to pick up my mom and sister from the hospital, I would complain about it still being there. How it reflected the poor care he was getting. When in fact, he was getting excellent care, he was just really, really sick. One night, when I arrived, I saw the expression on both of my parents' faces change from "happy to see you" to "oh no, she's back". That's when I realized it had become a job for me, and not a good one. This was just the beginning, and I had to change my outlook, in order to lessen my parents' struggle, to make it easier somehow. After all, they were facing the possibility of saying good bye to one another after almost 50 years. All it took was a smile and a kiss from me to make things a bit easier on them.

My dad would be sick for a long time, before the Lord finally took him. My parents were able to celebrate their 50th year together and almost got to 51 before on Valentines Day, 2007, Dad just said he was tired of fighting, and Mom said that it was ok. He was gone two days later, at home, with all of us around him. It was very peaceful. In those two days, I stayed with Mom and took care of Dad's needs so she could say good by. Since then, as Valentines Day approaches, I try to remember if I said good by, thanks for being a great dad, I remember when you make me that wooden whistle for me and took me fishing - - boy did I love spending time with you. I just can't remember. What I do remember is that during those two days, I was completely focused on his care, setting up hospice that would allow him to stay at home, getting the right meds administered through a feeding tube (he always did it himself), and taking care of all the other indignities that go along with physical weakness. None of it bothered me in the sense that I was able to function, as needed. I didn't get caught up in the sorrow of losing him. I just took care of him and waited there with Mom for him to go. This behavior was very different for me. I’m usually very emotional, especially about my dad.

I chose the verse because through the whole experience, I realized from whom my strength came. He never left me, in fact I had probably never felt as close to God in my life; I was completely focused and strengthened by Him. Again, He gave me what I needed, when I needed it, and I am grateful.

Pray for the caregivers you know. That they will be strengthened by God in their loving task. That it doesn't become a "job" for them and that they take the time to encourage those they care for while taking care of themselves. In this way they will continue to be mentally and physically strong.