I recently attended a memorial service for a beloved lady at Church. Before the service began, a friend of mine came over to me and commented about my blog. As she began to talk about it, I began to feel that guilt about not doing enough with it and started telling her why I hadn’t posted in so long (almost eight months). It didn’t seem to matter. She didn't even hear me. She just kept going, but it’s what she was saying that stopped me mid-sentence.
She told me that I was in a battle. How could she know that? She told me that I just have to work through it and that I should keep writing. She went on to say that my writing was a gift, that I have important things to say, “especially for a young Christian.” It brought me to tears because while I know it was Dorothy's mouth, I felt like it was Jesus speaking to me, gently nudging me in the right direction; His direction.
Have you ever had an experience like this? Like you felt God was with you, I mean really close to you? Like He is telling you what His plan is for you? All summer I prayed about what His plan was for me and I believe He used a friend to confirm it for me. To remove the last roadblock.
How would Dorothy know that I was in a battle? Battle is a strong word, after all, but there were strong forces keeping me away from writing. There's procrastination and a busy schedule, or the idea that I had to be busy to be successful. I've had two of my children on my mind. Then there's the self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and on and on. We can put up all sorts of roadblocks to obeying.
I'm not in a spiritual battle of faith. I am steadfast in my Savior, but there's more to it than that. I haven't learned to put myself aside for Him. Not completely. This is an important point. I cannot pick and choose what I do for Him and think that will bring be closer to Him. It's about saying I give You my life Lord, and then doing it. Simply, following His direction promptly.
I believe He used my friend to nudge me in His direction. Since then, I've been writing and praying more about it. The writing may only be for my own good, for all I know. But I'm going to keep doing for Him.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
When Something Unexpected and Terrible Happens
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
...the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction... NAS
Just like the Third Day song says "Cry Out to Jesus." Easy for me to say, right? But it's not always easy to do. Especially when we don't understand why something terrible happens to us, or someone we love.
We were out of town for the weekend and as soon as we returned, my son went on Facebook to catch up with friends. He never expected to find out that two of his friends each lost there fathers.
One of the kids posted as if he were speaking to God, begging for the answer. Why? Why did you take him from me? The other posted right from her smart phone within an hour of her fathers' passing. It read something like, "I don't know what to say, I don't know what I'm supposed to do?" Both clearly despondent, and one sounding pretty angry at God.
It's easy for me to say "Cry out to Jesus." No one knows, truly knows, what another is feeling even if we've had the same experience. I lost my own father five years ago now, and I still have days when my heart aches for him. But I'm not a teenager. I can't imagine what I would have done or how I would have felt if I had lost him in my senior year of high school. At that time in my life, I think I would have been very angry at God, too.
Tonight I pray for these two children. I pray that they don't let their anger and sadness lead them away from God at this very fragile point in their young lives. I pray they would cry out to Jesus, asking for His help and comfort. He hears all of our pleas. If they are angry, I pray that they lay that anger at His feet and accept his comfort in return. While they have each lost their Earthly fathers, their Father in heaven will never leave them or forsake them. In Jesus name, I pray that they run to Him, now. Amen.
...the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction... NAS
Just like the Third Day song says "Cry Out to Jesus." Easy for me to say, right? But it's not always easy to do. Especially when we don't understand why something terrible happens to us, or someone we love.
We were out of town for the weekend and as soon as we returned, my son went on Facebook to catch up with friends. He never expected to find out that two of his friends each lost there fathers.
One of the kids posted as if he were speaking to God, begging for the answer. Why? Why did you take him from me? The other posted right from her smart phone within an hour of her fathers' passing. It read something like, "I don't know what to say, I don't know what I'm supposed to do?" Both clearly despondent, and one sounding pretty angry at God.
It's easy for me to say "Cry out to Jesus." No one knows, truly knows, what another is feeling even if we've had the same experience. I lost my own father five years ago now, and I still have days when my heart aches for him. But I'm not a teenager. I can't imagine what I would have done or how I would have felt if I had lost him in my senior year of high school. At that time in my life, I think I would have been very angry at God, too.
Tonight I pray for these two children. I pray that they don't let their anger and sadness lead them away from God at this very fragile point in their young lives. I pray they would cry out to Jesus, asking for His help and comfort. He hears all of our pleas. If they are angry, I pray that they lay that anger at His feet and accept his comfort in return. While they have each lost their Earthly fathers, their Father in heaven will never leave them or forsake them. In Jesus name, I pray that they run to Him, now. Amen.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Summer School
As I just finished a bible study by Carol Kent, Becoming a Woman of Influence, I began to wonder if God had planted a seed for me to follow a path of learning, writing, and teaching. Was it God or just a prideful desire of mine alone. All summer I struggled with that question and the ongoing doubt about my own ability to do any of those things successfully.
Let me back up a bit. It all started when I was asked to facilitate a bible study at church last spring. I've wanted to teach on-line college classes for a long time now, but the one time I tried to land that second job, it didn't work out. Now someone really wanted me to teach? Did they really think I was capable, because I sure didn't see myself that way? You see, when faced with the opportunity, I freaked out a little bit, even though teaching is something I wanted to try.
Wait a minute. I wouldn't be teaching, but merely facilitating the class. You know, keeping things going while we all learned the material. It wasn't about me, it was about God. It should always be about God. OK, I could do that, and with encouragement from our Sisters Group leader and lots of help from God, I did. For the next nine weeks a small group of us met, and studied, and learned about prayer together. Guess what? I liked it.
At the end of the session, I was asked to facilitate the next season, too. Three of us determined to carry out our church's theme of discipleship and began searching for just the right bible study. That's when I found the Kent study and the others agreed it was the right study for us. I ordered it and planned to read it while on vacation, but when it didn't come I brought another book to read. This one was about women in the bible. In retrospect I believe God determined the order of these events. He always knows what we need.
I approached the book like a bible study. I compared the qualities of these women to those in my own character. I read their bible stories trying to understand myself and determine my own progress in this Christian walk. I was able to draw upon the previous study on prayer to have many deep conversations with God during this time, asking Him to use me, telling Him I was ready. That I wanted to understand what He has planned for me. I wanted to know how I would to recognize the opportunities when presented. I asked Him to help me understand all of it. I still haven't learned how to be quiet and listen. There might be a problem with patience too.
All summer I kept thinking about learning, writing, and teaching.
When we got home from vacation, the Becoming a Woman of Influence bible study and book had arrived and I dove right in. That's when the feelings of doubt and confusion returned but I continued to read and study.
During that time I came across an article in my study bible about obedience. Ironically, obedience is one of the first topics I wrote about in this blog. Sometime after finishing the study I found myself with some quiet time and decided to revisit that article, but I couldn't seem to find it. As I thumbed through the pages I found other articles that spoke to my heart. The first was entitled How can God use an imperfect person like me?, and the second Do I have a role in communicating God's truth to others? Down at the bottom of that article was a reference to the one I couldn't find, Obedience always brings blessing. I believe God arranged the order in which I would find those articles that day because He had specific things to tell me. He has specific things to tell all of us.
God is truly amazing. I feel like this was some sort of confirmation for me. Like it was God answering all my questions and telling me to move forward with the confidence that I was acting for Him and not for me. Don't misunderstand me, I am human and I like being the teacher, oops that's facilitator. There are ladies in our class that could be teaching, really teaching, bible studies and I look up to them. I'm learning from them.
Yes, I'm human and have to be careful not to make this about me but to always keep it about God. A faithful sister friend wrote to me of her own struggle in this area and cautioned me, in a loving way, to guard against being prideful. We ordered eight books before knowing if anyone would sign up and we have eight ladies in the fourth week of the Becoming a Women of Influence bible study. I can't wait to find out what He has planned for me next.
Reference:
John MacArthur, Twelve Extraordinary Women: How God Shaped Women of the Bible, and What He Wants to Do with You
Charles F. Stanley, Life Principles Bible NAS
Let me back up a bit. It all started when I was asked to facilitate a bible study at church last spring. I've wanted to teach on-line college classes for a long time now, but the one time I tried to land that second job, it didn't work out. Now someone really wanted me to teach? Did they really think I was capable, because I sure didn't see myself that way? You see, when faced with the opportunity, I freaked out a little bit, even though teaching is something I wanted to try.
Wait a minute. I wouldn't be teaching, but merely facilitating the class. You know, keeping things going while we all learned the material. It wasn't about me, it was about God. It should always be about God. OK, I could do that, and with encouragement from our Sisters Group leader and lots of help from God, I did. For the next nine weeks a small group of us met, and studied, and learned about prayer together. Guess what? I liked it.
At the end of the session, I was asked to facilitate the next season, too. Three of us determined to carry out our church's theme of discipleship and began searching for just the right bible study. That's when I found the Kent study and the others agreed it was the right study for us. I ordered it and planned to read it while on vacation, but when it didn't come I brought another book to read. This one was about women in the bible. In retrospect I believe God determined the order of these events. He always knows what we need.
I approached the book like a bible study. I compared the qualities of these women to those in my own character. I read their bible stories trying to understand myself and determine my own progress in this Christian walk. I was able to draw upon the previous study on prayer to have many deep conversations with God during this time, asking Him to use me, telling Him I was ready. That I wanted to understand what He has planned for me. I wanted to know how I would to recognize the opportunities when presented. I asked Him to help me understand all of it. I still haven't learned how to be quiet and listen. There might be a problem with patience too.
All summer I kept thinking about learning, writing, and teaching.
When we got home from vacation, the Becoming a Woman of Influence bible study and book had arrived and I dove right in. That's when the feelings of doubt and confusion returned but I continued to read and study.
During that time I came across an article in my study bible about obedience. Ironically, obedience is one of the first topics I wrote about in this blog. Sometime after finishing the study I found myself with some quiet time and decided to revisit that article, but I couldn't seem to find it. As I thumbed through the pages I found other articles that spoke to my heart. The first was entitled How can God use an imperfect person like me?, and the second Do I have a role in communicating God's truth to others? Down at the bottom of that article was a reference to the one I couldn't find, Obedience always brings blessing. I believe God arranged the order in which I would find those articles that day because He had specific things to tell me. He has specific things to tell all of us.
God is truly amazing. I feel like this was some sort of confirmation for me. Like it was God answering all my questions and telling me to move forward with the confidence that I was acting for Him and not for me. Don't misunderstand me, I am human and I like being the teacher, oops that's facilitator. There are ladies in our class that could be teaching, really teaching, bible studies and I look up to them. I'm learning from them.
Yes, I'm human and have to be careful not to make this about me but to always keep it about God. A faithful sister friend wrote to me of her own struggle in this area and cautioned me, in a loving way, to guard against being prideful. We ordered eight books before knowing if anyone would sign up and we have eight ladies in the fourth week of the Becoming a Women of Influence bible study. I can't wait to find out what He has planned for me next.
Reference:
John MacArthur, Twelve Extraordinary Women: How God Shaped Women of the Bible, and What He Wants to Do with You
Charles F. Stanley, Life Principles Bible NAS
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)