Sanctity of life week was the week of Jan. 23, 2010.
Renee, my first and one of the most precious gifts from God. She is my oldest daughter.
I was young, only 17 years old. It was first time I was knowingly faced with a life-changing decision.
Another life changing decision I unknowingly made at that same age was one that I didn't realize would change my life. It was to become a mother.
All of that part of my life was recently brought so clearly to mind during a visit to a local Christian book store. That's when I was asked to sponsor an unknown Teen Mom by purchasing a bible for her.
By the end of that brief encounter with the store clerk making the request, I couldn't even see where to sign my name, but for the tears clouding my vision. It all came back to me. We spent some time sharing stories of that time in our lives. The store clerk made the decision to end the life of her unborn child. Two strangers finding that we are both still coping with those self-inflicted circumstances of our youth.
Dreams lost.
Regret.
Loneliness.
Guilt.
Shame.
What the store clerk and I have both learned since that very confusing time, a time when we made our own decisions without relying on God's help, is that He forgives. Over and over, He forgives. The most important gift to us, His precious gift, the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross was for the forgiveness of our sins. We are forgiven, Praise God for that!
I read the following verses at the wedding of my youngest daughter because they were so pertinent to the marriage of she and her husband, but that's a story for another time. When I first discovered Psalm 139, it was my Renee that came to mind.
Psalm 139 (New International Version, ©2011)
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
He knew what I would do because all the days ordained for me were written in [His] book before one of them came to be (ref vs. 16). He new that Renee would be given to me. He trusted me with her life.
What if I had thrown that trust away? Thank God for parents who supported me in everything, with the one exception. When I, in a frantic fit of desperation at 17 and pregnant, decided that abortion might be a way out, my very kind father put just put his arms around me. He said that it was not an option, that he and my mother would support any other option. That we could, would, and did get through as a family. They were another of God's gifts to me, not every young mother-to-be is as fortunate.
It took a long time to realize that with Jesus, there is no regret, no longer loneliness, no guilt or shame, and the dreams I had at the time have all be fulfilled.
I've since had three other children, almost all are grown up. They are all my most precious gifts from God.
Renee was, and is, very special to me. We grew up together. She was my experiment. I didn't know what I was doing but seemed to muddle through it all. For that I hope she forgives me, because I know I made many mistakes along the way. She has grown into a beautiful woman and wonderful mother of two of my grandchildren, and I thank God for her every day.
