As I just finished a bible study by Carol Kent, Becoming a Woman of Influence, I began to wonder if God had planted a seed for me to follow a path of learning, writing, and teaching. Was it God or just a prideful desire of mine alone. All summer I struggled with that question and the ongoing doubt about my own ability to do any of those things successfully.
Let me back up a bit. It all started when I was asked to facilitate a bible study at church last spring. I've wanted to teach on-line college classes for a long time now, but the one time I tried to land that second job, it didn't work out. Now someone really wanted me to teach? Did they really think I was capable, because I sure didn't see myself that way? You see, when faced with the opportunity, I freaked out a little bit, even though teaching is something I wanted to try.
Wait a minute. I wouldn't be teaching, but merely facilitating the class. You know, keeping things going while we all learned the material. It wasn't about me, it was about God. It should always be about God. OK, I could do that, and with encouragement from our Sisters Group leader and lots of help from God, I did. For the next nine weeks a small group of us met, and studied, and learned about prayer together. Guess what? I liked it.
At the end of the session, I was asked to facilitate the next season, too. Three of us determined to carry out our church's theme of discipleship and began searching for just the right bible study. That's when I found the Kent study and the others agreed it was the right study for us. I ordered it and planned to read it while on vacation, but when it didn't come I brought another book to read. This one was about women in the bible. In retrospect I believe God determined the order of these events. He always knows what we need.
I approached the book like a bible study. I compared the qualities of these women to those in my own character. I read their bible stories trying to understand myself and determine my own progress in this Christian walk. I was able to draw upon the previous study on prayer to have many deep conversations with God during this time, asking Him to use me, telling Him I was ready. That I wanted to understand what He has planned for me. I wanted to know how I would to recognize the opportunities when presented. I asked Him to help me understand all of it. I still haven't learned how to be quiet and listen. There might be a problem with patience too.
All summer I kept thinking about learning, writing, and teaching.
When we got home from vacation, the Becoming a Woman of Influence bible study and book had arrived and I dove right in. That's when the feelings of doubt and confusion returned but I continued to read and study.
During that time I came across an article in my study bible about obedience. Ironically, obedience is one of the first topics I wrote about in this blog. Sometime after finishing the study I found myself with some quiet time and decided to revisit that article, but I couldn't seem to find it. As I thumbed through the pages I found other articles that spoke to my heart. The first was entitled How can God use an imperfect person like me?, and the second Do I have a role in communicating God's truth to others? Down at the bottom of that article was a reference to the one I couldn't find, Obedience always brings blessing. I believe God arranged the order in which I would find those articles that day because He had specific things to tell me. He has specific things to tell all of us.
God is truly amazing. I feel like this was some sort of confirmation for me. Like it was God answering all my questions and telling me to move forward with the confidence that I was acting for Him and not for me. Don't misunderstand me, I am human and I like being the teacher, oops that's facilitator. There are ladies in our class that could be teaching, really teaching, bible studies and I look up to them. I'm learning from them.
Yes, I'm human and have to be careful not to make this about me but to always keep it about God. A faithful sister friend wrote to me of her own struggle in this area and cautioned me, in a loving way, to guard against being prideful. We ordered eight books before knowing if anyone would sign up and we have eight ladies in the fourth week of the Becoming a Women of Influence bible study. I can't wait to find out what He has planned for me next.
Reference:
John MacArthur, Twelve Extraordinary Women: How God Shaped Women of the Bible, and What He Wants to Do with You
Charles F. Stanley, Life Principles Bible NAS
