I recently attended a memorial service for a beloved lady at Church. Before the service began, a friend of mine came over to me and commented about my blog. As she began to talk about it, I began to feel that guilt about not doing enough with it and started telling her why I hadn’t posted in so long (almost eight months). It didn’t seem to matter. She didn't even hear me. She just kept going, but it’s what she was saying that stopped me mid-sentence.
She told me that I was in a battle. How could she know that? She told me that I just have to work through it and that I should keep writing. She went on to say that my writing was a gift, that I have important things to say, “especially for a young Christian.” It brought me to tears because while I know it was Dorothy's mouth, I felt like it was Jesus speaking to me, gently nudging me in the right direction; His direction.
Have you ever had an experience like this? Like you felt God was with you, I mean really close to you? Like He is telling you what His plan is for you? All summer I prayed about what His plan was for me and I believe He used a friend to confirm it for me. To remove the last roadblock.
How would Dorothy know that I was in a battle? Battle is a strong word, after all, but there were strong forces keeping me away from writing. There's procrastination and a busy schedule, or the idea that I had to be busy to be successful. I've had two of my children on my mind. Then there's the self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and on and on. We can put up all sorts of roadblocks to obeying.
I'm not in a spiritual battle of faith. I am steadfast in my Savior, but there's more to it than that. I haven't learned to put myself aside for Him. Not completely. This is an important point. I cannot pick and choose what I do for Him and think that will bring be closer to Him. It's about saying I give You my life Lord, and then doing it. Simply, following His direction promptly.
I believe He used my friend to nudge me in His direction. Since then, I've been writing and praying more about it. The writing may only be for my own good, for all I know. But I'm going to keep doing for Him.
